Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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