I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
tell me about the eggs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
