i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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