i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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