she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Boobs speak an international language.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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