proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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