I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
