what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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