Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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