I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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