Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
