Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
