Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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