Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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