i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
