everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
