I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
