Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
