i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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