When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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