Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
