I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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