ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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