I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Damn victory sex feels great
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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