I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
