Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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