i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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