I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
