I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
