remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
