Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
