Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
