who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
