her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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