An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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