After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
