Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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