so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
