ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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