fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
