dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
