I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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