I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
