it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
