Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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