I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
