she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
