And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
