I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
