This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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