Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
