Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
