Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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