Umm I'm too high to move.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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