It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
