My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
