Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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