She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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