she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was like getting head from an anaconda
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
