Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
