He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
