i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
