It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize