can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
