you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
