I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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