We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
