I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
