His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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