I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just found puke in my bra..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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