new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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